I turned 36 recently and got dangerously close to an overdose of calories this past month as friends presented me with various cakes and sweet treats. As the end of the month draws near, I happened to come across this particular post on Instagram which had already popped up twice before earlier in the year on my feed. Many of the points resonated with me but I will just share my top 5 here. 1. Good friendships are priceless treasures, and old friends are the most precious ones.
In a previous post where I shared about the 4 pillars of success from the book Balance, one of the pillars is about maintaining strong relationships. Most people who have been working for at least a few years will know that it seems to get harder to build and keep adult friendships, and I could totally identify with this article which shares about the crisis of male friendships. Thankfully, the author leaves us with some practical suggestions on how to tackle this in his subsequent article. In any case, I am thankful that I have what I consider at least a few good friendships, and we can just pick up from where we left off last time even if it's been months since we last met. Friends who share our core values can be that good sounding board when we have major decisions to make as they understand where we are coming from. Over the years I have learnt to appreciate that at times our need to be understood is even greater than our need to be loved. Having friends who know and understand you will surely make this journey called life more bearable and enjoyable. 2. Working diligently without concern for the rewards is the very behaviour that brings the rewards. I feel that understanding this point takes a process of trial and error over and over again before we see the light. Rewards are good because they give us something to look forward to, be it monetary increments or a rise in status and influence. But when we focus too much on the rewards, we end up becoming really narrow-minded and see that as a means to an end. We think that the rewards can make us a better version of ourselves, or at least show the people around us that we have arrived and made it in life. This could not be further from the truth. The truth of the matter is that we first need to understand who we are as a person and what we have to offer. What do we stand for and what gives us the greatest satisfaction? Personally for me this always involves some sort of service and helping others. I am not going to ask you what you enjoy doing for free because I have come to learnt that bills still need to be paid and food has to be put on the table, so perhaps what I will ask, is for you to think of a place you can be in that is purposeful to you and is still able to feed you and your family comfortably. Of course "comfortably" is largely subjective, but you get my point. Hopefully. When we find our sweet spot and learn to enjoy our work without becoming overly obsessed with the rewards, it naturally frees us to do some of our best work. When others around us witness that, it is only a matter of time before the rewards materialise. 3. The way people make you feel when you interact with them tells you everything you need to know about them. It is hard for me to describe how I felt when I saw this statement, but I somehow resonate with it. Speak with someone for 15 - 20 minutes, observe how they respond to your questions, and listen to what they are most passionate about. Thereafter, take a step back and think about how they made you feel. Then trust your intuition. Did they make you feel at ease or uncertain? Did you constantly catch yourself being overly careful about what you share or are you able to speak comfortably? All these are clues to guide you in getting a good sense of how this person is like. I find that oftentimes it is also useful to observe how people treat those who are serving them. Watch the interactions with cleaners, waitresses and air stewardesses. They reveal a lot of a person's character and personal values. 4. A genuinely rich life costs a lot less than you think. All of us need money. And it is also true that money can solve many problems and issues. But a truly rich life consists of things that money cannot buy: a good night's sleep, peace of mind and emotions, and good health, just to name a few. Money cannot teach us to compare less on social media, or cultivate a spirit of gratefulness for what we already have. I feel genuinely rich when I am able to connect deeply with friends and family, learn not to take for granted of what I have here in Singapore, and recognise the many opportunities that have been given to me in life. My life is far from perfect, but I think I have much to be thankful for. Our attitude determines how rich our life is :) 5. Not every hour of the day and not every day of the week needs to be used "productively" and "grinding". Taking naps, staring at the stars and sometimes doing nothing are pursuits absolutely necessary for a life of unlimited beauty. This really speaks to me. In this day and age, we are all terrible at doing nothing. Got some extra time after work? Let's hustle and bring in a second and third income. Took less time than expected in exploring a tourist site overseas? Let's pack in another site or activity before dinner! (I am definitely guilty of this) As a result of the need to constantly be "productive", our minds are always working, with some even in overdrive. We fear that resting for too long will cause us to be left behind or show that we are irresponsible with our duties. We go through life striving and achieving and accomplishing, all the while forgetting that our bodies are not machines. We hide behind the mask of busyness and miss out on connections that friends and family are trying to make.
It is no wonder that there has been such an exponential increase in burnout and mental health issues. We have forgotten how to truly rest both our minds and bodies, and to just do things that have seemingly no real "value" except for us to indulge in new sights and sounds, dazzling our senses. These days, I remind myself to slow down when it is time to do so. To be intentional with doing nothing sometimes and just appreciate whatever is around me. To read more, think more, and appreciate more sunsets when I can. If you are still here with me, thank you for reading till the end! Do check out the origins of these points and see which are your top 5 favourites :)
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