Recently I helped a friend with an interview for a research project that she was working on for her Masters thesis and an interesting question was posed to me: What is success to you?
I was stunned for a moment because I wanted to give an answer that was unique and not cliché but yet honest and genuine to what I truly believed. After close to 30 seconds, I mumbled something about having solid relationships and having the support of family and close friends when you most need it. That interview took place about one week ago and reflecting back now, it seems that I got my answer from one of Warren Buffett's quotes that I read sometime back:
When you get to my age, you'll really measure your success in life by how many of the people you want to have love you actually do love you. I know people who have a lot of money, and they get testimonial dinners and they get hospital wings named after them. But the truth is that nobody in the world loves them. If you get to my age in life and nobody thinks well of you, I don't care how big your bank account is - your life is a disaster.
What a sobering truth for some of us, myself included, who have at some point in time or other prioritised money as the ultimate form of success. In his book Balance, Andrew Hallam describes 4 quadrants to a successful life: 1. Having enough money 2. Maintaining strong relationships 3. Maximising your physical and mental health 4. Living with a sense of purpose He continues to write: "Think of success as a four-legged table, with each leg representing a quadrant. Each quadrant depends on the other. If they don't all play their part equally, the table collapses. If one leg is spindly or cracked, it's tough to maximise your life satisfaction, no matter how solid you might be in the other three quadrants."
Closer to home, I really like what Grace Yeoh shared when she hosted one of the live events for Calm Collective Asia. When asked about her definition for success this is what she said:
My definition of success is whether I like myself. It involves self-trust and self-compassion.
I really like this definition of success as well as it illustrates the tendency we have to chase after our own perceived version of success at all costs while we end up losing ourselves in the process. I like to think of it this way: as we progress and move forward in life, are we becoming the person that we will truly like and admire? Did we manage to stand firm on our non-negotiables and core values that we absolutely cannot compromise? Of course, no one is perfect and there will definitely be times where wrong decisions are made. Maybe personal relationships were sacrificed too. But our past does not determine our future. We have to keep trying, and that is why self-trust and self-compassion are so important. We have to trust that we still know what we are doing and be less harsh on ourselves when we make mistakes. It is a never-ending journey but one that is worth it.
So what is success to you? I hope this short post has given you some food for thought as you ponder about your next step towards success and I wish you the very best in this journey ahead.
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